Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
