Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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