ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
