I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
