it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
