Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
