And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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