she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
