We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My bed smells like the plague
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
