Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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