I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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