K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
