Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
my liver is dry heaving
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
