dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
