you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
