i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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