It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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