Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
