how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
