So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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