I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
another moral hangover. fuck.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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