This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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