the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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