I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
