Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
