while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
