i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
