Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
this boner is exhausting
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
