Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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