Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
A+ Viking dick
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
