I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
