maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
jump out the window naked night went bad
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