Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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