my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
