I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
