mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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