My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
