I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
