I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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