im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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