I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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