today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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