I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
