Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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