Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
