It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
