All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
