I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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