She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
