I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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