He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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