why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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