John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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