a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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