We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
