So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Randomize
