Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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