apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
