she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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