Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
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Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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