i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Randomize
