He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize