he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
