This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
one might say we're banned from that church
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
