Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
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the wall and i were having dominance issues.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!