I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".