I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
