i think i have herpe
just one?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
