Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birth control should be required to get into college
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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