did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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