Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
