I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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