Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
