Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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