I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
