Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
