My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
