Apparently you make a good broom.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That accounts for only three of the penises
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
