Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
