the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
