I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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