He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
