she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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